I’ve heard the question asked a million times, “Why can’t I find the right guy?” What women fail to ask is “what am I doing wrong?” After listening to a conversation between two women, I decided to compile my top five things that women can do to choose better men. Then maybe, just maybe, you might increase your chances of finding the right guy. Here goes:
1) Don’t chase him. This should be a no-brainer, but many women miss this one miserably. A man needs a challenge, but he also needs to know that YOU know that you’re a prize. If you’re the one that is always calling and trying to make the effort to be involved, then all of the power automatically shifts to him. He will eventually control the entire direction of the relationship….if you allow it. You have to give him a chance to prove to you that HE is worthy. Men are hunters. They want to do the hunting. If you chase him, then that’s no fun for him. You will soon lose his interest. Then you appear to be the needy chic! The relationship won’t last.
2) Don’t ignore red flags early in the relationship. This is the time to keep both eyes wide open. He lied about hanging with his boys. He lied and said his sister answered his phone, but you later found out that he has no sister and his boys haven’t seen him in weeks. These may sound like little white lies, but they are not to be disregarded. I was always taught that if you will lie about nothing you will really lie about something. Those are character issues that you can’t fix. They will eventually snowball as you address bigger issues as time progresses. Why is he lying anyway? You just started dating! You wouldn’t start a friendship off with lies so why should you start a relationship off with them?
3) Listen to the people close to him when they speak about him. They know him well. Too many close to him repeating the same thing about his character or past behavior means that you better listen. If they say he has always had a gambling problem, womanizing problem, drugs and/or alcohol problem, then you should listen. If this has been an ongoing problem, please don’t be so naïve to believe that your love will miraculously change him. He has likely had others who loved him, too, and had no such luck. You’re no different. Those are serious issues that usually require professional help, not a love interest.
4) Don’t look at how a man treats his mother. That can be misleading. His mother is the one person that you can never be. You can never compete with his mother or sisters. Don’t even try! Don’t waste your time trying to be their best friend either. At the end of the day, their loyalty is with him, not you! Baby boys and sons of mothers are just that! Mothers love their sons and sons love their mothers. That is an unbreakable bond. If he cheats on you, that’s your problem! You can’t go crying to his mother expecting her to fix it. She will love him regardless. You cannot determine how he will treat you based on how he treats his mother. Remember, mothers and sisters are friends with ex-girlfriends and lovers, too!
5) Keep your relationship off of social media. On your first date you just couldn’t resist so you tweeted and posted pictures on Facebook. You just started dating and now you want the world to know you snagged a man! Now you want to post your pictures on every post and check yourselves in all over town. The problem is that it’s still new and now you’re going to attract a bunch of his groupies and more haters when your relationship status hasn’t even been determined. Well, okay, you’re excited, I get it, but it’s just not a good move when you just start dating someone. Give the relationship time to develop before you make an announcement to the world. Don’t give the world a chance to infiltrate because you became overly anxious. Some people say 90 days, but I say give it six months to a year before you start broadcasting. You still don’t know if he is gonna make the cut. Take your time and save yourself the backlash from the embarrassing relationship status changes later.
I hope this saves someone from future misery and misguidance!